Hi Ladies! I'm Betty Friedan! How about we go to Smith College to find some queers and tell them how nasty they are for invading our lilly white, decididly un-lavender 2nd wave!

Hi folks. This is the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. You know the only reason why we women are fighting among ourselves is because those trannies will stop at nothing to rain on our parade. Every trannie in the world is working for Secret Agent Patriarchy, and it is our responsibility to perpetuate their oppression as much as possible so we can all accept ourselves and bond as wombmyn born wombmyn. Now let's all sit back, eat some tofu, and worship the vaginas we were born with, okay?

Hi Ladies this is Judith Butler! There is some risk that in making the articulation of a subject-position into the political task, some of the strategies of abjection wielded through and by hegemonic subject positions have come to structure and contain the articulatory struggles of those in subordinate or erased positionalities. Here it should become clear that a radical refusal to identity with a given position suggests that on some level an identification has already taken place, an identification that is made and disavowed, a disavowed identification whose symptomatic appearance is the insistence on, the overdetermination of, the identification by which gay and lesbian subjects come to signify public discourse. You all have no idea what I just said. But it certainly sounded queer.

Hi Everybody! This is Madonna! I think its okay to represent alternate lifestyles as long it turns into an opportunity for me to make more money than you could ever dream of while retaining all of my heterosexual and white privilege. I would like to invite Annie, Pat, Susie, Mary, Andrea, Janice, Catherine, Carol, Cathleen, Judith, and all you kids out there in the land of strap-on.orgy to lick my pussy or do whatever else you want with my hot bod as long as the event turns into a Rocumentary on MTV and an overpriced coffee table book I can sell to middle aged hets who think they are living on the edge through their naughty consumerist voyeurism.

xoxo,

Madonna

Hi girls! This is Elizabeth Wurtzel coming to you from Prozac Nation! As I'm sure everyone is aware, if you take lots of drugs, and spend thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars on therapy, you can be happy again as you slum about Europe brandishing yr diploma from Harvard in a drug induced furor whilst feeling sorry for your over-privileged ass. Your career will culminate in being the poster child of post feminism as you appear nude and non-threatening on the cover of your second book, which becomes an inspiration to mentally ill non-white fat, ugly, underpaid, undereducated women everywhere!

I was the original inspiration for the love that dare not speak its name. Now let's all tribe 8 and rub our clits together as we defend the island of Lesbos from those pricks on the mainland. I'll show you my labrys if you'll show me yours. Move over, Lynn Breedlove. I'm Sappho!