I hate you. All of you.

You are over crowded and you stink.

You have too many people singing your praises every day. People say that interesting things happen in New York. Quite frankly though, I think people who live in New York are actually less friendly because you get crammed so close to one another and the only local foliage is weeds. Rather than doing interesting things most people spend all their time riding on your overcrowded subways and then spending $20 for a box of raisins to feed themselves and then sitting in their dim little apartments trying to convince themselves that they like living in you (its a defense mechanism, really). You flaunt all the cool shit that happens but really 99% of the population doesn't get a piece of that creative proverbial pie; you just fill their little hearts with empty hopes and promises and then charge them $9 for a sliver of proverbial pie lite (after all, you are so cost prohibitive that nobody can actually afford anything you offer).

Higher populations also mean a higher likely hood of there being a serial killer within a 5 mile radius.

My New York friends tell me to stop hating on you. Well, New York, you are the most over-rated city ever. You can deal with a few meager blows to your ego.

My friends tell me that it isn't so bad outside of Manhattan. Really, Manhattan is the epicenter of the middle of dirty stinking overcrowded over-stressful hell, and the other borroughs are in the middle of dirty stinking overcrowded over-stressful hell.

I hate you because it takes so long to get everywhere. Your subways are stupid. Your roads are stupid.

I hate you because even the pigeons have attitudes. I hate you because you are a black hole that sucks down my friends' money and charges them more than than the average GDP of Niger in rent every month for living in a small concrete box swarming with scampering insects who compete with my friends for a space to live.

You are comprised of an island and some peninsulas. How fucking stupid is that? You need to move out to the Midwest New York and get a clue from more spread out cities. Or you could just fall into the Atlantic Ocean, frankly, you'd be doing everybody a favor.

With complete malfeasance,

Jane Torpedo