2. Buy a second hand briefcase and carry it with you everywhere. The briefcase convinces people that you are busy and also that In my briefcase, I keep:

1) Snacks,

2) The purse that holds everything I need, and,

3) Applications and resumes for other jobs

3. Make it your responsibility to dress respectively several times a week. Especially the days that you cant find anything to do in your job description because half of your clients are in detox and the other half you are not allowed to service because of your restrictive job description. An ironed blouse makes you look busy.

4. NEVER make out with people who work at the same agency as yours, or who may potentially be your coworker or boss at any point in the future. DO NOT accept the proposition to hang out from the cute dyke with anger management issues and a way of attracting the ladies whom works at the day center. I’ve had a few close calls, and I can honestly say that I’m glad I just let everybody else get into trouble while I calmly sit at my desk writing cover letters for other jobs.

5. You are young. The program will probably fail within the next couple of years (because $ is so desperately needed for underfunded programs that actually accomplish something), so consider that job search an ongoing endeavor. Just tell your boss that you are looking for part time work.

6. NEVER tell your boss you are actively seeking more productive employment at another social service agency. If he demonstrates an ability to factor information in a way that makes sense on the job, he is very likely to also act passive aggressive when talking to a potential employer.

7. When your boss indulges in senseless complaints about the flaws of all staff members but himself in a supremely un self-aware manner, nod and act interested. Don’t share any opinions with him. Every time he opens his big mouth, he shares information that you can quietly store for potential blackmail in the future.

8. If your racist, sexist boss discriminates against all the women and/or folks of color, he probably is not as chummy with you as he would be with another white man. Don’t complain, but start writing your exposé now and publish it in the local paper as soon as you get a new job.

9. Violent revenge fantasies are a normal, healthy means of expressing workplace frustration. Indulge them in theory, but not in practice.

10. If your boss is a recovering smoker and/or substance abuser and/or codependent, conniving, manipulative abomination, avoid discussing legitimate concerns about clients with him. Express your concerns to another staff member, and let them bring it up at a staff meeting. Your boss will get angry for being challenged, but at least he wont get angry with the person he shares an office with.

11. Guilt is a powerful emotion that can overcome any individual. When your boss starts to relapse, it’s probably a sign that now is a good time to make suggestions and try to connect clients with services. Your boss will be too self absorbed to realize you are not servicing one of his favorite clients, all of whom are diagnosed with Angry White Man Syndrome.

12. If you see your boss in public, just run. You aren’t on the clock, so you do not have the responsibility to interact. Avoiding assholes always takes precedence over politeness.

13. At least one of your clients is likely to know very intimately about a scandal that has been in the papers or in your professional circle (the mob, corrupt government, undercover cops acting unethically, prostitution, drug kings, etc). Get a vicarious thrill and enjoy knowing that your client trusts you enough to tell you this, but NEVER share the information with anybody else.

14. Take everything your boss says about mental health with a grain of salt. Every agency has its philosophy. So does every crazy person in the industry. Be suspicious of anybody who asserts that a psychological theory or intervention technique or program (ESPECIALLY AA) is THE ANSWER.

15. Don’t out yourself as a survivor to your boss. You will become one of “those crazy people who don’t act logically and who aren’t like you and me” aka one of the clients. Also, avoid bringing up to your boss that he is crazier than a loon.

16. If your boss sneaks out of work, wait half an hour before sneaking out yourself. You don’t want your boss to know you know his dirty little secret. Then you’ll both have to shoot the shit for 8 hrs every day.

17. If your boss disappears for long periods of time (presumably to hang out at a coffee shop with his AA buddies), NEVER ask where s/he was. Remember how you sneaked out yesterday to meet your friend for a three-hour lunch? Mutual denial can serve as a useful tool for avoiding the topic of your mutual irresponsibility.

18. Make friends with the front desk receptionist and/or secretary. S/he knows and sees all. Everybody in the office is guilty of something, and she has the power to make or break your boss’ supervisor’s opinion of you by what s/he discloses.

19. Everybody deserves dignity and respect. No matter how fucked up the program is, try to work around constraints to provide the best care possible to clients.